Sponge bath it is.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
