His pubic hair was longer than his dick
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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