Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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