i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
