I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
