Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
