just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
