It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
