yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
