census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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