Christians are straight up FREAKS
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
