worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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