I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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