seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
