She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
