You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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