If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I need to stop coming to work sober
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
