i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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