i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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