can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
