3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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