We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
