Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize