I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
