so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
