I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
