They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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