When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize