put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
