Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
