Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
