Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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