I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
