11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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