explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
