i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
