After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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