please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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