in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
