How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
