I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
