it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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