i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
