Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
