Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just want to make out with him forever
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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