I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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