they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
