I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I will pee on everything he values.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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