1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
