dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
