Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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