I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
