... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
