I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
