yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
