he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize