im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
