clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize