Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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