we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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