I want to stick my p in your. b.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
