well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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