i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
