??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
