Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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