The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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