I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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