i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
