me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
