Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
