I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
