i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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