im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
