Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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