nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
