Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
