I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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