I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
